Para la versión en español, pincha aquí que-es-lo-mas-dificil-de-ser-mama
Ok, so this week is a bit different, instead of asking the best thing of being a mom, I´ve been making a different question… What´s the most difficult thing of being a mom?
Oh my God, where do I start from…? Is there anything easy in being a mom?
Don´t think so!
When you are a mom, everyday and everything is challenging. As son as your baby is born, you just need to figure out whenever bubs is hungry, with a dirty nappy, teething, needs a cuddle, sleepy… Believe me, they don´t come with a manual!
But for me, and in my personal experience, the most difficult thing was not having family or close friends around. It´s true that we meet some wonderful people in Canberra that looked after us while we were there, but the feeling of loneliness was bigger than that.
I remember that my mum came to visit 3 days before I gave birth to my son and she stayed at home for a month, but after she went back to Spain I couldn´t feel lonelier.
My husband had to go to work and he spent around 15 days away when baby was a month. I was still trying to figure out what to do with that tinny person and how.
I just needed someone to talk, to cry, to laugh or to tell me that I was doing a great job.
That is way, from my point of view, I realize that on those moments is wonderful if you can get family and friends around that will keep you warm and will help you to keep going.
After meeting other people in my same situation, I understood that I wasn´t the only one feeling that way. You love that little person that much that you just want to do everything perfect from the first moment, and sometimes you just forget about yourself.
I don´t think I had postpartum depression, because I was able to laugh and see the bright side of things at the end of the day, but I can say that I was hitting rock bottom.
Because of this, I can say that for me and at the moment, the most difficult thing about being a mom is not having any close help (apart of my husband)
But I got a variety of answers when I asked this question around as all these mums are in different situations from one another:
¨The most difficult thing about being a mom of a teenager is that you still think is your baby, but she´s not anymore¨
¨When they suffer because someone hurts them or because the are sick
¨When is a baby and they get sick and you don´t know what’s happening. The feeling of being a bad mother or thinking you are doing all wrong.
The most difficult thing is when they suffer and you can´t help them. The heart of a mom goes with the ups and downs of her kids.¨
¨The most difficult thing is to see them suffer and not being able to avoid it¨
¨I remember at the beginning, just after giving birth I used to ask myself, how I´m going to know is she’s hungry, or if she´s in pain? For me that was traumatic, because I didn´t have any experience as a mum and I got a bit anxious about it.
¨Not sleeping the whole night… ¨
¨The worst thing is seeing your kids in a limit situation and not being able to help them¨
¨Time disappears. No time to shower, to hold them longer, to do all the little lovely things you want to do. There is never enough time when you are a mum¨
¨The most difficult thing of being a mom is when early in the morning she starts to cry or tries to get my attention and I´m so tired that I can´t even open my eyes. So when I´m awake, I know that my kid needs me but I´m so tired that I can´t even stand up. For me those are the hardest moments.
¨Learning everything new. Seeing your kids cry¨
¨That you don´t have any time left for yourself¨
¨The non sleeping life¨
¨Not being able to do anything when she´s sick. Being powerless and not knowing what is going on, kills me¨
¨Teenager years. That is what I´m leaving at the moment. Are super hard and I´m going through really difficult moments. Is hard to confront rude answers all the time, questioning… because you are also tired of waking up early to go to work, doing the food shopping, cooking…¨
¨Trying to have a balance between your work life and you mom life¨
¨The most difficult thing is to educate him, because there isn´t an official manual to do that. You need to think about whatever they did well with you when you were a kid and what will you do on another way.¨ Mónica S.
¨Not knowing if you are doing a good job so he´ll be a good person in the future¨
¨Asking to myself if I´m doing it right. Should I let her do that or not? Should I let her watch more TV or not? Should I go to the doctor or I´m overreacting? And this is every day.¨
¨Having a 13yo kid, for me now is trying to keep the mom roll but without losing the friend roll (don´t want to loose her trust, but she needs to still know there are rules that she needs to follow)¨
As you can see, most of the responses have in common the feeling of not knowing if you are doing things right or the feeling of not knowing how to act in certain situations, and also the feeling of being powerless all those times when you can´t do anything to help or make your kid feel better.
That´s why I´m asking you now to stop for a second and look around. You can see that the humans still exist, what means that even being so hard sometimes, it´s something amazing and totally worth it that normally requires common sense.
When I was little, my parents taught me that if a really wanted something I had to work hard to get it. And that´s it, having a kid is a big responsibility and the hardest and most valuable work you are ever going to have, but is also the most reassuring. It´s true that is the worst paid regarding to money, but it will pay off. Every single year, every single day, with all the love he or she gives you back, knowing that she/he´ll be a good person and knowing she/he´ll be able to look after her/himself in the future.
Definitely, being a mom is difficult, but we all have been kids once and there was someone that fought for us to make sure we were what we are today and we got as far in life as we dreamed of.
Laura B. Díaz